{Live} 7 Mistakes in 7 Days

April 13, 2011 in All Posts, Laugh

Lest you become a hapless fool such as I, here are seven mistakes I made in the past week that you should not repeat yourself.

  1. Don’t serve your family soft, yellow lo mein noodles when you know that fly maggots have been dropping from the ceiling overhead. Especially when your children have the tendency to fling their noodles around the room and onto the floor.
  2. Don’t think that blue painter’s tape on the ceiling fan will seal said maggots away. It bubbles and you will have to re-tape the vents and feel the warm, squishy bodies under your fingertips.
  3. Don’t ask a woman whether her third baby is in her belly. Even if you’re a woman yourself.  Or a mom.  Or have your own baby blubber.  Or think there’s no mistaking she is at least six months pregnant so it’s safe to ask because nobody’s belly sticks out from an otherwise slender body in that round fashion.
  4. Don’t teach your toddler words like “boobies” or “poo-poo” unless you want to hear them in inappropriate phrases at inappropriate times. Like when Jane sang, “Old MacDonald had some boobies!  E-I-E-I-O!” at the store or announced my bathroom habits to our guests.
  5. Same goes for allowing your child to drink alcohol and learn the libations’ proper names. Or else your toddler might yell for all the neighbors to hear after her soccer game, “I need a beer!” or answer you like this in front of company.
  6. Don’t feed your infant from your own mouth. For one, it’s gross if anyone catches you as momma bird regurgitating for your baby chick.  And two, your giant 30-pound baby might put you in a headlock with his chubby little hands and viciously bite your face and tongue in a horrifically violent attempt to peck around for more food.
  7. Don’t take the childcare you receive from your family for granted. When you’ve had eight hours of sleep in three days and have to watch a toddler and a crawling infant on your own while trying to work from home, your family will save your life.  If I didn’t say it before:  Thanks, Mom.  Thanks, Dad.  Thanks, Hubby.

Leave a comment and share your embarrassing mistakes from the past week so I don’t feel like such a nincompoop!

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    Chrissy – who has written posts on The Outlaw Mom® Blog – Creative Living in a Conventional World.


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